♯８ Searching for a glimpse of rational nature…..

Our father simply kept uttering irrelevant noise that sounded like nodding for 20 minutes, or 30 minutes, in front of us who were silent…..  Yet, we tried hard to search for a glimpse of rational nature in our father.

Unfortunately, we were not able to deceive ourselves any longer, as we looked at our father who gave no response not just to Umi and Rika but also to our younger brothers, who were parted from him when they were babies and my father would have desired to watch growing.

We were no different from the air to our father.  He even did not recognize that we visited him.  He nodded alone, smiled alone, suffered alone, and groaned alone when seized with cramp.  He had gone to such a far world even though he was only physically 50 centimeters away from us on the other side of the Plexiglas.

The fact that our father was seriously ill hit us as a desperate reality as it was our only hope to meet and talk with him some day.

♯7 Nodding with meaning, or just a noise

At the fifth visitation from Umi's first visitation, we decided to try one thing during the meeting with our father to confirm whether or not the noise he uttered was a nod or an irrelevant sound.  We went silent for nine minutes until the end of visitation.

Our father suddenly smiled, and kept uttering noise on his own, like "un, un," "eyain, un, enn" in front of us who were silent.

At the following visitation of Rika alone, she only said, "Good morning," wondering what would happen if there was no stimulation from the beginning, and watched his reaction in silence.  If he starts uttering noise that sounds like nodding when Rika is silent, that is a "noise" with no relevance or meaning.

The Detention House probably did not want anyone to recognize that our father was uttering "noise" without meaning, and warned Rika that visitation would end if she did not talk.

If we keep talking, however, a noise that sounds like nodding always overlaps at some point, like "un, en, in," and they could lie, claiming that "communication with his family is successful."

During subsequent visitations, we observed our father's appearance through talking to him and going silent.  We soon realized that there was no relevance or meaning in the noise he uttered though it sounded like nodding.

♯６ ”Impossible….” Increasing anxiety

The defense attorneys requested partial release of visitation prohibition for us; however it was only accepted for the second daughter ‘Umi’(This is her pen name.).  She was able to meet our father on August 17, 2004 for the first time as a family member.  Since communication between defense attorneys and our father was never successful, Umi was supposed to explain the background of selecting defense attorneys, etc. to him.  Defense attorneys told Umi to be prepared, saying, “He is probably not malingering.  He may be truly ill.  He might not understand even though it was Umi.  Please be prepared.”

Even though the defense attorneys warned us about our father’s illness, she did not believe he was ill.  She believed that her father would respond in some ways if she as a daughter went to see him.

Partial release of visitation prohibition was requested again for us, and Rika was finally allowed to see him as well.  After that, visitation was also allowed to our younger siblings.  Similar to Umi, Rika also believed that her father would understand her.

We remembered to always take our notebook to keep a record when we visited him.

In the beginning when visitation became possible, we just kept talking to our father since we had longed to see him and there were so many things to tell him. He nodded, smiled, and appeared to be listening to our stories.  As we kept talking to him, however, we became anxious and started to feel what the defense attorneys were saying to us might be true, suspecting that he might not recognize us but he might be just smiling irrelevantly and uttering some “noise” that sounded like nodding.  As we repeated visitation, such feeling of discomfort and anxiety rapidly grew more and more.

#5 His children might be the only way to confirm……

The effective way to confirm this is to be interviewed by someone else.  The deeper the relationship with our father is, the better.

Since Attorney Matsui always cared for our sentiments and he himself was finally allowed to interview our father, he might also have thought that it would be a good time for our father to meet his children.  Attorney Matsui asked us,

"Would you like to visit your father?  There is a chance if we request the court to partially release visitation prohibition.  It is not 100% sure, but would you like me to try to request release?"

When visitation is prohibited, visitation by people other than defense attorneys is allowed if partial release of visitation prohibition is requested and the Court accepts it accordingly.

It was not easy for us to "live", who continued to be treated as children of a vicious offender in Japan.  Our only hope was to see and talk with our father someday, regardless of such hardship and discouragement.

The third daughter Rika was  unable to observe the father's trial due to various reasons, and was not allowed to see our father in the courtroom.
The second daughter Umi visited the father's court, she barely saw her father even when she went to observe the trial because of prison guards surrounding him.  Rika was still envious of her older sister, since she was able to see him even at the slightest.  If she was allowed to visit him, it would be the first time for her to see her father after his arrest.

We instantaneously replied,

"Yes, We would like to see him by all means.  Please request the court."

We were very thankful for his proposal that sounded like a miracle, especially because we had almost given up seeing him at least until final judgment.

# 4 Why did our father possibly develop a feeling of distrust in "attorneys"?

This happened at the time of the 13th public trial of the first court on October 18, 1996.  When the defense attorney began cross-examination of Mr. Inoue who stood as a prosecutors' witness, our father restrained cross-examination by the "defense attorney," asking to "please do not cross-examine."  As Mr. Inoue gave "testimony" along with prosecutors' story that connected our father with the sarin gas attack on the subway system, his "testimony" would be accepted as a fact at the trial unless there was cross-examination.  The defense attorney requested adjournment to the Court to discuss with our father; however the Court did not accept it and cross-examination eventually continued at the discretion of defense attorney.  In view of defense attorneys, they were probably unable to leave our father who was trying to submit to Mr. Inoue's "testimony" based on his religious belief.

Entering in November, our father began to be mentally disoriented and stopped being able to meet his defense attorneys.

The defense attorneys for the appeal trial feared the possibility of refusing "attorneys" in general on our father's own will.  However, as far as communication with him did not make sense, there was no way to confirm whether or not he was malingering, was avoiding attorneys in general, or was truly ill.

Defense attorneys for the second court ran into a brick wall.

#3 Distrust or illness…..?

The defense attorneys began to be able to interview our father; however conversation with him was not possible as he was not in the condition of being able to communicate.

”We won’t be able to write even one line.  Mr. Asahara might not even understand that he is in an interview room and there is an attorney in front of him.  Or else, he might not be trusting attorneys.”

Attorney Matsui hesitantly mentioned this, trying to be mindful to us.  We imagine that the Attorney might have already had a concrete idea that “Mr. Asahara may be truly ill.”  However, it was not possible to deny the idea that our father does not trust anyone working as an “attorney.”

♯２ Rejection of visitation after three-month visit to the Detention House

About a month after the appeal trial began, our father’s defense attorney visited the Tokyo Detention House two to three times a week and continued to request a meeting with our father.  However, our father was never brought to the interview room.

                         

On June 8, 2004, Attorney Matsushita, a friend of Attorney Matsui, also accepted our father’s defense.

The defense attorneys were at a loss as they were never successful to meet our father.  They were unable to confirm our father’s intention.  They did not even know whether or not he wanted to appeal.  They were in anguish, wondering if they should begin a trial without knowing the intention of the person in question.

It seems that the Court was also troubled as they hoped the defense attorneys to submit the statement of reasons for appeal (document stating the reasons of appeal) as soon as possible, even though they claimed it impossible to write the statement of reasons for appeal without meeting the person in question.  Based on the flow of communication between the defense attorneys and the Court at that time, the Tokyo Detention House might have received some kind of pressure about visitation privileges and our father suddenly began to be brought to the interview room.

We heard it was on July 29 when defense attorneys were able to meet our father for the first time.

The Detention House refused the defense attorneys’ request of visitation more than 36 times since they began to request visitation on April 4., i.e., five long months after appeal.